The Secret That Slipped Out at Checkout
The grocery store was noisier than normal for a Tuesday afternoon. Shopping carts squealed along the tiled floor, kids pulled at snack shelves and the cashier at Counter 4 kept calling for price checks. I waited in line holding a basket that seemed heavier than it should have considering the only items inside were bread, milk and a box of cereal I didn’t really need.
I selected this line because it was the longest. I wanted time to think, or perhaps better yet time to not think. The same words had been ringing in my ears all day: “You should tell her.” That voice had been dogging me like an extra shadow.
There was a woman waiting in front of me who seemed just as tired as the store. She continued rubbing her forehead, then checking the phone, and then putting it back in her bag as if it would bite her. I knew the nervous rhythm because I had been feeling it as well.
Behind me, someone has entered the line. Not until then did I look back, The voice was gentle”The entryway!”
“Sam?”
I recognized the voice before I even looked at the face. I felt myself lurching in my stomach as I turned.
There she was. Mia.
She had her hair tied back as she did when we were down to the wire for time, and wore that same blue sweater she had on last I spoke. That conversation had not been pleasant. ‘I’m sorry, but I don’t have anything to say.’ And she pretending she wasn’t waiting.
She appeared surprised but not aggrieved. “Hey,” she said, giving a slight smile. “Haven’t seen you in a while.
I barely nodded, my throat too constricted to reply. She glanced at my basket.
‘Still buying the same cereal,’ she cracked.
“Yeah,” I finally managed. “Some habits don’t change.”
The line moved forward. We followed. It was an ordinary place, yet my heart was pounding too loudly for it. The lights in the store hummed overhead, and I could smell oranges from the nearby fruit section. Everything was too bright and too sharp.
“How have you been?” she asked.
I tried to say “fine,” the easy, workable response, but my mouth seemed so full and heavy when it came out.
“Not great, actually.”
She was regarding me, not with pity but with a recognizable concern. “What happened?”
I opened my mouth, but I kept it shut. The truth weighed in my stomach like a stone. The more I kept it in my body, the more it was puncturing my ribs.
We moved forward again. The weary woman in line before us set her goods on the belt. We were next.
“You don’t have to tell me,” Mia said softly, as though she could hear the struggle in my silence. “Maybe this isn’t the place.”
But it was exactly the place. There was so much commotion, and there were so many people around us, and the line was moving slowly that made it easier to talk. Perhaps that was because everything in our surroundings was so ordinary, which might have diminished the fearfulness of the truth.
“It’s about us,” I said. There was the hint of a crack in my voice, but I didn’t let up. “I should have said, this a while ago. Instead of pretending I didn’t feel anything, that day I should have said it.”
She blinked, surprised. “Sam…”
“I miss you,” I said. “I know I fecked things up not being straight. I realize it’s late, and perhaps it doesn’t matter anymore. But I needed to tell you.”
The cashier began to scan the exhausted woman’s items, the beeps filling the space between us. Mia stood very still.
“You think it doesn’t matter?” she asked softly.
“I don’t know,” I said. “Maybe it does. Maybe it doesn’t. But it’s the truth.”
Another beep. Another item scanned. My palms felt warm and shaky.
Mia looked down at her fingers, then up at me. Her eyes were not sharp, not cold. “I was just waiting for you to say something,” she said. “I really did. I thought you did not feel the same.”
“I did,” I whispered. “I do.”
The weary woman completed her purchase and ambled off, pushing the cart toward the exit.
It was our turn. The cashier waved me forward. With hands that suddenly felt lighter, I plopped my bread, milk and cereal onto the belt.
Mia was about as far away from me as before.
“This does not need to be the last conversation,” she said softly. “If you’re interested, we can speak after all this.”
I exhaled a breath I hadn’t known I’d been holding. “I want that,” I said.
She smiled, small but real.
The checkout girl gave me the receipt. “Just take it; don’t read,” I grabbed it without thinking, my mind on something else altogether.
The air outside was cooler, quieter as we walked out of the store together. I could feel and even hear my footsteps differently, lighter steps, less unsure.
Sometimes, it seems, a grocery line is precisely where a confession is meant to take place.
